Building Childhood Confidence
Nurturing Confidence
A feeling of self-worth and natural self-confidence is one of the greatest gifts you can give your children, but how can you build the kind of solid inner-strength that will help them feel comfortable in themselves, and therefore better placed to handle whatever life throws at them?
Encouragement is key
Children need to feel secure enough to want to try new things without being put down, embarrassed, or ridiculed for failing. When this happens they will quickly start to believe that they aren't worthy of praise and that if something looks hard, they might as well avoid the challenge rather than look silly.
A good example: When presented with a piece of unfathomable artwork, don't knock them down by saying 'what is it?' Instead, ask them to tell you about the picture and pick out good points to talk about. Tell them that you think it is good and illustrate that by putting it up on show.
Sibling Rivalry
While it is near impossible not to compare siblings, accept that they are different little people and as such have different talents. This is of course easier if they have very different skills or interests but even if, for example, they are both good at music, letting them shine in different instruments is a good way to avoid direct comparisons and unhealthy competitive feelings.
Constructive Criticism
We all have days where we feel like tearing our hair out, but children are like sponges and take what you say quite literally. So always avoid sarcasm and generalised negative comments. Instead help them to understand why their particular behaviour has been wrong, and what the implications are.
A good example: Rather than saying 'You never listen,' and thereby instilling a self-fulfilling prophecy, say, 'Please try to listen in future because mummy might be telling you something important'.
A Happy Balance
Children pick up on our anxieties and these can prevent them from using their natural ability to explore and find out their own strengths and weaknesses.
A good example: Rather than saying, 'Be careful' (which is actually more likely to increases your child's worry rather than helping them take more care), offer a constructive comment such as 'Do you want to hold my hand on this side so that you are away from the busy road?'
Let them fail
Not everyone can be the best at everything and that is an important lesson to learn in life if you are to feel secure and comfortable. Only by allowing them to fail can they then experience the overwhelming sense of pride when they do achieve. However, don't let them keep failing if this is likely to knock their confidence - subtly move them on to a different activity instead.
Specific Praise
Children who are constantly told how wonderful they are can, inversely, struggle when either that praise falters or they realise that they are simply being praised for being praised sake.
Experts agree that it is far more constructive for a child to be told specifically why what they have done was so good, so that they can learn from this, than simply being told 'You are good'. This helps children focus on building their own confidence in what they are doing, rather than seeking approval and praise for what they have done.
Quick everyday tips for instilling confidence and self-esteem in your children:
- Instill a sense of love and security - regularly tell your child that you love them
- Listen and chat - show your child you find them interesting and worth listening to
- Share - do activities together to show your child you enjoy spending time with him
- Give your child certain responsibilities that they can master around the home and reward them for a specific job well done
- Provide choices - help your toddler feel he can exert some control over the world by, for example, suggesting they choose their own clothes or bedtime story
- Vary activities - trying out lots of things makes it more likely you'll find something your child is good at, even if there are lots of other things they can't manage so well yet
- Encourage friendships - being able to make friends and get on with others plays a big role in building self-esteem
- Give them the freedom to make mistakes and learn from them.
- Try not to always tell them what to do but allow them to solve their own problems - it'll boost their confidence immeasurably
- Don't save praise for just the most obvious occasions. Do it when they are just being themselves - that way they'll realise that they are valued, whatever
- Find activities that nurture their confidence. Structured play sessions such as Tumble Tots can really help some children push themselves to try new skills within a safe environment.
Finally remember that as the most important person in their lives, you are their greatest role model. So set a fine example. Be confident in everything you do, walk tall and convey a sense of worth.
