Childhood Stress
Britain's children are the unhappiest in the West, according to a Unicef study of 21 industrialised countries and it is estimated that up to 10% of our children are suffering from depression. But how can you tell if your child is feeling stressed or depressed? And perhaps more importantly, what can you do to help?
Childhood stress, like the stress we suffer as adults, can be caused by a whole range of triggers. Common causes include:
- Tension at home or parents splitting up
- Falling out with friends
- Being teased too much
- Being overwhelmed with work or homework
- School tests such as SATS
- Holidays
- Changes in childcare arrangements
- Peer pressure
- Phobias (fear of the dark, fear of being left alone, fear of parents dying etc.)
How the child manages will depend on their personality, maturity, and own style of coping but the thing to remember is that children often have difficulty describing exactly how they feel. So, instead of saying "I feel overwhelmed" they might say "my stomach hurts" or they might become withdrawn, tearful, aggressive, argumentative, irritable or have difficulty sleeping or change their eating pattern.
There may be physical clues as well since stress can exacerbate problems like asthma, hay fever, migraine headache and gastrointestinal illnesses.
The first thing to do is to talk to your child, but the most important thing is to listen. They say a problem shared is a problem halved and in the case of childhood stress this is usually true. Children's lack of life experience means that they can't always put a problem into perspective and they often blame themselves for events over which they have no possible control. In such cases simply reassuring them that there was no way they could have influenced things can be a great relief.
Other ways to help your child manage stress include:
- Building their self-esteem, confidence and independence
- Being calm yourself - if you overreact to certain situations your child is likely to follow your example
- Not putting too much pressure on your child to achieve
- Ensuring your child has enough time to unwind and relax after school - rushing around is no good for anyone
- Encouraging your child to exercise - running round in the fresh air gets the endorphins (happy hormones) pumping
- Trying simple relaxation exercises together - encourage them to sit quietly, breathe deeply and 'feel floppy'
- Involving your child in thinking up a solution to the problem. This gives him a sense that he can make a difference and that things aren't hopeless
- Using distraction tactics - a day out having fun can make a child forget he's upset over a falling out with a friend, or joining a new drama group can soften the blow of not making it onto the swimming team
- Being open with your child in times of crisis or family change - sometimes it is better to tell your child what is going on than let their imaginations run wild
With a little patience and understanding most cases of childhood stress can be relieved, however there are some bigger issues such as divorce, death in the family or illness that both you and your child may need more help with. If this is the case, your child seems very depressed, or worrying symptoms carry on for more than a month, you should consider seeking professional help - you could ask your doctor in the first instance.
